Final Goodbye

I'll always run to you.
I'll always be here for you.
But I don't love you.
Just in spite of you.

All you wanna do is flirt with me.
But I won't fall again
Cause it will only hurt me.
And in the end you desert me.

Nothing will ever be the same.
I won't always respond when you call me name.
My heart was a wild beast
That I'm learning to tame.
Because I don't care for your game.

Your game is one I don't wanna play.
That's all I gotta say.
And if you disagree,
And don't love me the same way,
Then I will be okay.
Because tomorrow's a new day.
Unless you wanna stay,
And participate in my life,
Then I suggest you go.
Because I won't be your hoe.
And that's all you seem to know.

So here's my last word for you:
Nothing with you will ever be true.
So when you say hi,
You won't get a reply.
And this is why,
Because you're an ignorant guy.
And this is my final goodbye.

When I'm Gone

"And when I'm gone
Just carry on
Don't mourn
Rejoice
Every time you hear the sound of my voice.
Just know that
I'm looking down at your smile
And I don't feel a thing
So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back."

-Eminem

When I Call Your Name

You will always be
My best friend.
Until the very end.

I will always run to you.
Will always protect you from harm.
I will always have open arms.

But your arms are crossed.
You used to be there for me.
But now your mind thinks differently.

What happened?
How come you have a sudden change of heart?
What happened to the "nothing could tear us apart"?

My ground has fallen.
My haven has dissapeared.
My nightmares reappear and reveal everything I've ever feared.

Will things ever be restored?
Can things ever be the same?
Will you answer, when I call your name?

Ocean Wave

What goes up,
Must come down.
When life is good,
It will eventually start to drown.

Life is a roller coaster.
With a few bumps on the way.
Sometimes the bumps come every few months,
Or every single day.

Life is an ocean wave.
One second it's at a high,
The next second it crashes.
Life's plan can flash by.

Life is a dance.
And I'm stuck to the floor.
Life has got me holding back,
Because I can't take anymore.

Another Day

I try to be happy,
But life gets me down.
Even though I have a smile glued to my face,
It eventually turns into a frown.

Life can show no mercy,
And continue to throw punches at me.
Life can't get easy.
Life can't set you free.

These chains hold my body inside.
To contain the person within.
But these chains start to rip,
And seep into the the skin.

I'm chained to life,
With upset scars.
Locked inside,
Like butterflies in seal-tight jars.

Thrive to fly.
Bound to fly away.
Praying to God
To give me another day.

Wishing for a chance.
Hoping for love.
Wanting simple guidance,
Only granted from above.

Lord, I pray to you.
To help me find a way.
To show me a new path.
To give me another day.

Motherly Love

You’re an angel from above,

A best friend at heart.

You have a gentle motherly love,

Who can have fun in Wal-Mart.

Thank you for everything you have done.

Thank you for welcoming me into your loving arms.

Thank you for giving me a place to run.

Thank you from keeping me away from harm.

I love you so much.

You are so special to me.

You have a gentle, loving touch.

I’m lucky you’re my mommy.

You’re the strongest person I know.

I aspire to be just like you.

You are my hero.

And I will always be you’re little pooh.

You are the best mom anyone could ask for.

You are my angel from above.

You are someone I truly adore.

Thank you, for you’re genuine motherly love.

If Only

Nothing is what it seems.
My heart is ripping at the seams.
My tears pour out like streams.
My earbuds are in, music beams.
To blare out the screams.
I am on my knees.
Begging, begging for peace.
These words you holler sting like a thousand bees.
I'm asking you to stop, oh please.
My heart beats,
Freshmeat.
Oh shit, it's gonna blow.
There she goes.
Nobody knows.
Who knew she was all alone.
All those hours on the phone,
And not a word of the unknown.
It's too late, she's gone.
This is so wrong.
Pain like a broken bone.
None of these feelings were ever shown.
If only we knew all along.
She wouldn't be gone.
If only
She knew she wasn't lonely.
If only.

Broken Heart

How can I live with a broken heart?

I am barely breathing.

When does life start?

When you left, you smashed it in two.

I'm barely alive,

Without you.

I am just broken.

Torn in two.

Lost in the ruins.

You are my everything,

You are my soul.

Without you in my life, it is just raining.

But these tears I shed are not just for you.

I cry because of how we used to be.

But then again, nothing is new.

Light

This breath could be your last.
In moments you could be gone.
In the blink of an eye, your life could pass.
But thinking this way is wrong.

People that don't even know you are affected.
People feel like it's their fault.
Your closest friends are devastated your life ended.
This could all be avoided.

Life can get bad, but it can get better.
Times may seem dark,
But they will get brighter.
But life is worth living.
And every moment
is God's giving.
And your God's creation.
Your family's blessing.
So don't give up.
Because there are moments in life not worth missing.

People love you.
They will always care.
You have so much ahead,
And taking your life away isn't fair.

Believe me, I know.
Everything may seem wrong.
But give it time to seem right.
Because now is not the time,
For you to see the light.

January

Fresh Colorado air fills my lungs.
Colorado sunrise delights my eyes.
Winter's snowflakes on the taste of childrens' tongues.
Winter's sounds avoid all the goodbyes.

Time for hellos.
Time for frost- covered windows.
Back to sweet winter chills.
Back to kind winter thrills.

January, February, time for love.
March, April, time for spring showers to rain from above.
May, June, time for laughs and plays.
July, August, time for essays.
September, October, time for candies.
November, December, time for cookies.
Back to January, time for no worries.

Oh, sweet January.
Time for the frosty,
Time for the foggy,
Time for the snow- covered days.

I long for sweet January smell.
Strive for addicting January spell.
I love January snowflakes.
Enjoy January as I wake.

January freeze
Puts me at ease.
January stay
for a little longer please.

Numb

Blistering wind,
Frost bitten ears.
This is what
My traumatized mind fears.

Startling cold,
My heart feels like stone.
This is how I feel
When I am alone.

The shivers.
The heavy breathing.
This is what happens.
I hate this feeling.

Feeling so numb.
Lost in the cold.
No where to run,
Or that's what you're told.
But when you're feeling down,
And need a shoulder to cry on,
Don't forget,
I'm always here for you.

Things get hard.
Feels like the end.
Feels hard to even breathe.
But here's my hand to lend.
I'll never give up on you.

Put on this Earth to help.
Born to be there.
I know a thing or two,
And I understand, and truly care.

Every second,
Every minute,
Every hour,
Every day.
I am here.
No matter what people say.

Even if it's 3 AM,
Or just the middle of the day.
Don't forget,
I'm here to listen to whatever you say.

Blistering wind,
Hard to handle.
But don't give up,
Life hasn't supplied us with manual.
All we can do is live.

Feeling so numb.

Lost in the cold.

No where to run,

Or that's what you're told.

But when you're feeling down,

And need a shoulder to cry on,

Don't forget,

I'm always here for you.

Pavophobia

People seem to share common fears. Such as fear of heights, fear of clowns, fear of snakes, fear of spiders, fear of falling, fear of dying, and so on and so forth. But my fear is a little more.... complicated. I am deathly afraid of peacocks. Here in the Denver Zoo, they let peacocks roam the entire zoo. It. Drives. Me. Nuts. My fear developed at the Zoo, actually.

It was a normal weekday, and my mom, little sister and I ventured out on an epic adventure to the zoo. I never really minded peacocks then, but I was an oblivious 8- year old, s nothing phased me. But this changed everything.

We were just enjoying the animals, riding the Merry- Go- Round and all that when a peacock started to get really close to me. I mean REALLY close. It was inching its way over to me, I thought I was gonna die, right there, at the zoo. Then it tried to bite me!! I then found myself running away and screaming while an "elegant bird that's allowed to do whatever the hell it wants" chased me! I was traumatized.

My next encounter occurred in 7th grade. It was the Denver Zoo field trip. I was with some friends and I told them about my relationship with peacocks... and how it didn't work out in the end. They laughed. I don't blame them.

So we are wandering the zoo, when the devil's animal crossed my path. All my friends laughed again, and admired its "beautiful feathers". I was pretty sure it was the same damn peacock from 5 years prior. It squawked at me!! It made all these horrible noises, and glared at me. At that point, I knew we were natural enemies. For good old times, it chased me around for a few. But this time was worse. All the peacocks must have blue tooth or something to communicate with. Because they all gathered together to gang up on me! The word must've got out about the little, terrified 8 year old's return to the zoo. I was in shock, and booked it. I ran from the polar bears, to about the monkeys.

In conclusion, don't fuck with peacocks.

Hi, my name is Kenzie Smith, and I have Pavophobia.

Scary Bastard 

Un Antifáz

Smiles I shed.
Tears I hide.
My emotions appear to you in one way,
But they are different inside.

I love to laugh,
I hate to cry.
During the day I may be this,
But nightfall come, here I lie.

How can one maintain?
How can one react?
How can one miss
The lies hidden behind the fact.

The mask I wear,
Is for no particular reason.
It is just temporary.
Temporary until I strengthen.

So take one look at me,
And judge me based on your eyes.
But don't forget the boundaries
Between my soul, and the lies.

For the thin line I have drawn.
I draw it for you to see.
It may have already been ignored,
But the distance is more clear, between you and me.

Thread

I can't concentrate.
Can barely operate.
I spend my time looking through frosty windows to see.

I walk these halls with feelings of emptiness.
I have faded and my joy is flooded with darkness.
I am not in the right place, for I am lost.

Despite the people crowding the way,
I always return, disregarding the day.
My mind wanders the dark world of pain,
Even though I am just a limp body,
Holding to the day by a thread.

My voice may not be heard,
But I am trying to smile after all these events have occurred.
No one can hear me, my words narrow.

For I have nothing to say.
Everyday is a new challenge, in it's own way.
Even though I am just a limp body,
Holding to the day by a thread.

Snow Globe

Rising sunshine
The new day awakes.
The cold, winter chill runs down my spine.
Down come the snowflakes.

Unique pieces of art,
All of them different,
Easy to tell them apart.
Like fingerprints.

I am one.
Different from the rest.
Unique like a raven's song.
Just one of god's guests.

Christmas morning
In a warm cozy robe.
But really, I am just screaming.
Stuck inside a snow globe.

My heart dreams of fantasy,
But my mind is hungry.
What I would give,
To escape reality.

A piece of art falls from heaven.
The taste tingles on my tongue.
But I'm stuck in this prison.
And the raven's song is unsung.

Held captive in this joyous place.
Where home, is unknown.
And my soul has slowly effaced.
I am just left alone.
Stuck inside a snow globe.

Fortune

Swift lines
Cover my palm.
The place where your hand fits.
The place where I am warm.

My comfort in place of my veins.
My soul in place of my heart.
I like it here.
This is where my life starts.

Here with you, my lungs fill with air.
And releases the sensation.
My face is no longer pale.
This must be my imagination.

My heart beats without hesitation.
My mind is put at ease.
I am no longer lost.
No longer forgotten in the alleys.

My eyes open.
My skin awakens.
The way you make me feel,
Worth a fortune.

Gossip

Every word you speak,
Is like wikileaks.
You spreadin' rumors all the time,
Your guilty of the crime.
Convicted fugitive.
Unexplanable motive.
What's your deal?
Are you for real?
Do you not have a life?
Won't you be a good despereate housewife!
New girl on Wisteria...
Watch out for her Drama.
She's the new girl on the lane,
Her lies and stories will drive you insane,
with a migraine.
She's the new gossip girl.
Watch her take that show for a swirl.
Her rumours will make you hair curl.
Need a perm?
Just wait for Mrs. Sperm.
She's a backstabber.
Oh i wanna slap her.
For those lovely rumors.
That she concured
just for laughter.
No there was no liquor.
Don't hate on gingers.
Do me one favor
Shut your kisser
and kiss my ass
or suffer the consequences
and hit the grass.
I'm sick of your lies.
I'm sick of you ruining everyone's day.
So gossip girl,
just go away.

My Little Angel

Whenever I see you,
It brightens my day.
Whenever you talk to me,
all the pain washes away.

You stitched my heart back together,
and lead me to a safe haven.
You lifted my spirits up
when I was broken.

You never gave up,
You never let me fall back down.
You wiped my tears,
When these tears used to drown.

With you, I feel alive.
You give me comfort,
you bring me back to life.
Thank you for all your effort.

I just wanted to thank you.
I am so grateful
to have you in my life.
Thank you, my little angel.

My Daily Life

Everyday is so hard,

But I continue to survive.

My life was dealt a bad card,

And it’s a miracle I’m alive.

Everyday is a new fight,

But I continue to stay.

My life has never been right,

And I just want to get away.

Everyday is just the same,

But I continue to live.

My life is just a treacherous game,

And at times, I feel like I don’t give.

Everyday I want to take my last breath.

But my heart continues to beat.

My life has revolved around death,

And I sit in sorrow and defeat.

Everyday I have not won,

But I continue to play.

My life has not just begun,

It’s only just a new day…

A Poem for a Guy (That Doesn't Care)

What do I do?

When all I think about is you.

How can I be the same?

When my heart pounds when I hear your name.

I fall into a deep sea by looking into your eyes.

But then I must remember it was all lies.

You’re the reason my heart beats everyday.

You make it so hard to stay away.

Before I met you it was just me.

Now you’re the only thing I see.

To me, it was for real.

To you, it was just sex appeal.

What we have could come true.

But that would mean it’s not all about you.

When I look at you, I see nothing wrong.

When you look at me, I’m King Kong.

But our eyes close when we kiss.

And that’s the feeling I can’t resist.

Because in that moment, everything feels right.

And everything is out of sight.

When our lips touch,

Oh I love you so much.

But in the hall when you pass by,

I don’t even get a simple “hi”.

Even though we may never come to be.

You will always be special to me. 

Story of a Girl

She wakes up.

She gets ready.

She walks out the door.

She embraces the day.

She walks through the halls.

With a smile painted across her face.

She see’s her friends.

She embraces the day.

After a few laughs,

And after a few sighs,

She returns home,

Returns to her cries.

She does her work.

Without saying a word or two.

She ignores the yells and screams.

For there are more than a few.

She returns to her room.

To  get a little shuteye.

But before she lay asleep,

She starts to cry.

Every night she lies in bed,

Weeping , wishing she was not here.

She would rather die than live it through.

 But it isn’t clear.

Why does she seem so happy at school?

All we ever do is see her smile.

But that smile will not last,

It will only last for awhile.

Once she gets home, all her smiles fade away.

She remains in sorrow.

The only hope is,

Will she be here tomorrow?

It's Always the Same

Is it really better to be yelled at?

For one to scream about nothing.

Sometimes I think I’m always in the wrong.

I’m just something to be attacked.

I walk around my house,

Afraid to say a word or two.

Because lord knows it may be the wrong word.

And I would hear about it for the rest of the day.

I can’t even speak,

I can’t even talk.

The only safe thing to do is to stay in my room,

My safe haven.

But even my actions speak louder than my words.

By not saying anything is wrong.

I feel as if it is a burden upon my shoulders.

Why do I need to live precariously around you?

But once it starts,

It never stops.

He will grit his teeth together so tight,

And clench his fists.

His face reaches a reddish color almost resembling a tomato.

His eyes look like death,

Its like yelling at me is his drug.

And he is an addict.

Even if I start to cry,

The yelling gets louder.

 My thoughts beat in my mind.

And I begin to suffer.

I would rather be beaten then treated like this.

It would be over quicker.

And less painful.

But either way, things are not better.

If I could have one wish,

It would be to start over

That way I would want to stay

And live here forever.

Absence

Hiding my pain.

Hiding my tears.

Hiding the rain,

Where I save all my fears.

You may see me smile.

You won’t see me cry.

You may see me for a while,

But that’s only because I continue to try.

I hide the scars.

I hide the cries.

My heart is behind bars.

You can see it in my eyes.

Words cannot speak,

As loud as my thoughts beat.

I am weak,

I just wish I could go back and press delete.

Cutting my gentle skin.

Crying myself to sleep.

Questioning everything about myself within.

And feeling all alone, continuing to weep.

I tend to keep quiet about all this.

I tend to remain in silence.

For in my life, there is no bliss.

There is only an absence.

Rain

The pain is the rain that floods my heart.

Within, it controls everything,

And sooner or later, I start.

I reach for it,

I begin releasing my pain,

I enjoy watching, I have to admit.

Away with my regrets.

The blade slides across my skin,

Away with all the upsets.

Years ago, you would’ve never seen me this way, just a young brunette.

Now that all has changed,

And I no longer use it as a threat.

The stress and anger is put on me,

And I feel all alone,

Alone on this long road people call a journey.

Sometimes I try to look for the happiness.

But when it’s all said and done,

It’s just nothing but emptiness.

I’m screaming inside,

Screaming for help.

But all I hear is silence,  no one has replied.

Except for the ones who truly care.

The people who love me,

The people who breathe the same air.

The pain is the rain that floods my heart,

Sometimes it pours,

And sometimes the clouds move apart.

Small Child

Small child,

Listen to me.

The war is not won.

The fight is not over.

The battle goes on.

Open your eyes.

Look to the sky.

Follow me.

I’ll keep you safe.

But you are not free.

This life is long from over.

It has just begun.

Don’t be sad.

I’ll protect you,

From our raging dad.

Sometimes I think,

Maybe this was meant to be.

Maybe life is supposed to be this way.

Maybe times are supposed to be rough.

Maybe today just isn’t our day.

Small child,

You were born in the wrong family.

This wasn’t meant for you.

You have such greater potential.

You have true value.

Small child,

Sweet sister of mine.

You will be a star.

Your path awaits you,

And your destiny is not far.