Jealousy

i would say i wasn't jealous of you but then I would be lying. I would say I'm fine but inside I'm crying. I would say I miss you but why bother trying. i would say this is a lie, but I am not denying. I would say I'm sorry but those words feel like dying. </3 

Beauty

They say beauty never lasts.

I say it’s everlasting.

You prove my theory,

Despite the fact you are aging.

Every year we grow.

But you stay the same.

You are beautiful and always have been.

Like an eternal flame.

We have gone through a lot.

But have continued to be close.

We have proceeded to be strong.

Regardless of the rain, we focus on the rainbows.

Time doesn’t matter.

You will always be my best friend.

I will always stay true to you.

Until the very end.

So happy birthday.

Thanks for all that you do.

And always remember

I will continuously love you. 

Nightmares

These nightmares
Bring out my broken fears.
Deep within
They hurt like bruises on my skin.

These nightmares
Show frightened tears.
It's always the same.
It's in my name.

These nightmares
Control my mind
They are always in my head
They are food to the monster that's already fed.

These nightmares
Are not creations of mankind
They are the fuel that lights the fire.
They are worse than the werewolf and vampire.

These nightmares
Not only turn me into a monster.
But they show how I feel,
And what's fake, and what is real.

Sunshine

You lift me up when I am down.
You help me stay on this solid ground.
You tell me everything is going to be ok.
You always know how to make my day.

You understand when something's not right.
You help me with my everyday fight.
You are right on the sideline when I am front and center
You are my sunshine when my sky is dark and somber.

You keep the light on inside of me.
You stop the day from being foggy.
You are a real friend that always stays true.
And that's why I love you.

Guardian Angel

For Mads and Kayla and all the other people who make me smile-

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was always down. This little girl always had tears in her eyes, and pain in her heart. But one day, an angel descended from heaven. Her elegant wings guided her towards the little girl. The angel saw the little girl crying and asked "what's wrong little one"? The girl replied, "my heart is sore, my head hurts, my tears are always streaming, and I have felt this way before". The angel took her hand, and stood her up. She said, "oh darling, I have felt this way too. You need to open your eyes and keep your head up, and I will always be there for you". The little girl smiled, and stared at the angel. The angel then stated, "little girl, don't be frightful, because you are special. And if you ever need me, just blow this whistle, and I will descend as your guardian angel". The angel flew back to heaven, and the little girl waved goodbye. She then turned around, and smiled at the sunshine. Her life had turned around, things had gotten better. The little girl rarely blew the whistle. But when she did, her angel came to her. She told the girl it will all be okay, and tomorrow is a new day. The girl grew up, and the angel came to her in her time of need. The angel said "I love you sweet one, I'm glad you called me down for all these things. But now my time is done, and I'm giving you your own wings". Together, they flew away, and were as happy as they can be. But, I must point out, the angel is you, and the little child is me.

Untitled

World of Hurt,
Life of Hunger.
Desperate for Hope.
Thirsty for Wonder.

Games of love.
All of the above.
This life is tough.
What we have,
Is not enough.

Times of plead.
Times of need.
Nothing our arms reach for
Doesn't make us bleed.

Faith.
Desire.
Held by a thin wire.
Held so close
By the lover and the liar.

Bonded together
Two peas in a pod.
Lust and Wealth
Are cheaters of the same God.

My Rainbow

Life is a rainbow
That's dark and grey.
I don't know when I'll see my brightest day.

Holding on to hope in anyway.
Trying to live and continuing to pray.
My words are ignored no matter what I say.
I don't think I'm okay.

This is what my rainbow looks like,
At the end of the day.

No special pot of gold.
Not sunny and warm,
But bleak and cold.

But it's all the same.
You have to put up with the rain,
Before the rainbow.
You have to hide the pain,
Before the end of your sorrow.

Crow

Today, I saw a crow.
I came home in tears.
My heart now has a hole,
And unforgettable fears.

Today, I saw a crow.
I know what this means.
Something I learned long ago.
It's the usual routine.

Another person gone.
Another funeral to attend.
More tears to shed,
Another life lost, to this horrible trend.

What's horrible is I've gotten used to it.
Used to the fates of Death.
Used to crying and praying.
Used to hearing of their last breath.

I'm used to the questioning of Him.
Yet, I 'm used to visiting His house.
I'm used to wearing black,
And the dark days under His roof.

I'm not a hypocrite.
Just waiting for the sun to shine.
But for now, I'll prepare my outfit.
And hide under the moonshine.

Dear Diary

Februrary 2nd-

It's safe to say cancer ruins everything. My mom is a survivor, has been since she was diagnosed at 28. Now, my grandma has it. Stage 3. I don't really know what to say. But, I wish things would go right. For once.

Valentine's Day

All I see is red.
Hearts and love.
Chocolates and flowers.
All the above.

All I see is red.
Kisses in the halls.
Drawn out hugs.
Loving messages and phone calls.

All I see is red.
Balloons and cards.
Couples holding hands.
Messages on sweethearts.

All I see is red.
And no guy in my life gets to say
"I love you".
Gosh, I hate valentine's day.

Storm

Darkened days.
Dirty clouds.
Lightning flashes,
Thunder speaks aloud.

Rain hits my face.
Rain trickles down my cheek.
This storm never passes.
It never leaves.

Under the cloud of Worthless.
Stuck in the storm of Hate.
Desperate for Hope,
But in the end, I'm too late.

This storm controls me.
Throws me around.
Stuck in the alley of Lost.
Waiting to be found.

Final Goodbye

I'll always run to you.
I'll always be here for you.
But I don't love you.
Just in spite of you.

All you wanna do is flirt with me.
But I won't fall again
Cause it will only hurt me.
And in the end you desert me.

Nothing will ever be the same.
I won't always respond when you call me name.
My heart was a wild beast
That I'm learning to tame.
Because I don't care for your game.

Your game is one I don't wanna play.
That's all I gotta say.
And if you disagree,
And don't love me the same way,
Then I will be okay.
Because tomorrow's a new day.
Unless you wanna stay,
And participate in my life,
Then I suggest you go.
Because I won't be your hoe.
And that's all you seem to know.

So here's my last word for you:
Nothing with you will ever be true.
So when you say hi,
You won't get a reply.
And this is why,
Because you're an ignorant guy.
And this is my final goodbye.

When I'm Gone

"And when I'm gone
Just carry on
Don't mourn
Rejoice
Every time you hear the sound of my voice.
Just know that
I'm looking down at your smile
And I don't feel a thing
So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back."

-Eminem

When I Call Your Name

You will always be
My best friend.
Until the very end.

I will always run to you.
Will always protect you from harm.
I will always have open arms.

But your arms are crossed.
You used to be there for me.
But now your mind thinks differently.

What happened?
How come you have a sudden change of heart?
What happened to the "nothing could tear us apart"?

My ground has fallen.
My haven has dissapeared.
My nightmares reappear and reveal everything I've ever feared.

Will things ever be restored?
Can things ever be the same?
Will you answer, when I call your name?

Ocean Wave

What goes up,
Must come down.
When life is good,
It will eventually start to drown.

Life is a roller coaster.
With a few bumps on the way.
Sometimes the bumps come every few months,
Or every single day.

Life is an ocean wave.
One second it's at a high,
The next second it crashes.
Life's plan can flash by.

Life is a dance.
And I'm stuck to the floor.
Life has got me holding back,
Because I can't take anymore.

Another Day

I try to be happy,
But life gets me down.
Even though I have a smile glued to my face,
It eventually turns into a frown.

Life can show no mercy,
And continue to throw punches at me.
Life can't get easy.
Life can't set you free.

These chains hold my body inside.
To contain the person within.
But these chains start to rip,
And seep into the the skin.

I'm chained to life,
With upset scars.
Locked inside,
Like butterflies in seal-tight jars.

Thrive to fly.
Bound to fly away.
Praying to God
To give me another day.

Wishing for a chance.
Hoping for love.
Wanting simple guidance,
Only granted from above.

Lord, I pray to you.
To help me find a way.
To show me a new path.
To give me another day.

Motherly Love

You’re an angel from above,

A best friend at heart.

You have a gentle motherly love,

Who can have fun in Wal-Mart.

Thank you for everything you have done.

Thank you for welcoming me into your loving arms.

Thank you for giving me a place to run.

Thank you from keeping me away from harm.

I love you so much.

You are so special to me.

You have a gentle, loving touch.

I’m lucky you’re my mommy.

You’re the strongest person I know.

I aspire to be just like you.

You are my hero.

And I will always be you’re little pooh.

You are the best mom anyone could ask for.

You are my angel from above.

You are someone I truly adore.

Thank you, for you’re genuine motherly love.

If Only

Nothing is what it seems.
My heart is ripping at the seams.
My tears pour out like streams.
My earbuds are in, music beams.
To blare out the screams.
I am on my knees.
Begging, begging for peace.
These words you holler sting like a thousand bees.
I'm asking you to stop, oh please.
My heart beats,
Freshmeat.
Oh shit, it's gonna blow.
There she goes.
Nobody knows.
Who knew she was all alone.
All those hours on the phone,
And not a word of the unknown.
It's too late, she's gone.
This is so wrong.
Pain like a broken bone.
None of these feelings were ever shown.
If only we knew all along.
She wouldn't be gone.
If only
She knew she wasn't lonely.
If only.

Broken Heart

How can I live with a broken heart?

I am barely breathing.

When does life start?

When you left, you smashed it in two.

I'm barely alive,

Without you.

I am just broken.

Torn in two.

Lost in the ruins.

You are my everything,

You are my soul.

Without you in my life, it is just raining.

But these tears I shed are not just for you.

I cry because of how we used to be.

But then again, nothing is new.

Light

This breath could be your last.
In moments you could be gone.
In the blink of an eye, your life could pass.
But thinking this way is wrong.

People that don't even know you are affected.
People feel like it's their fault.
Your closest friends are devastated your life ended.
This could all be avoided.

Life can get bad, but it can get better.
Times may seem dark,
But they will get brighter.
But life is worth living.
And every moment
is God's giving.
And your God's creation.
Your family's blessing.
So don't give up.
Because there are moments in life not worth missing.

People love you.
They will always care.
You have so much ahead,
And taking your life away isn't fair.

Believe me, I know.
Everything may seem wrong.
But give it time to seem right.
Because now is not the time,
For you to see the light.